Oh, hello there. You’ve caught me in a rare, relaxed moment. As a matter of fact, just a few minutes ago, I was dangling by a high-tension wire into a bank vault protected by an incredibly complex maze made of laser beams. But I do have a little time to talk.
Don’t be fooled by the frizzy gray hair and double chin. I am undercover, actually. Super-secret covert activities. Top-level classified stuff. Hang on, I just spotted an enemy operative, over behind the hydrangeas…
Oops, false alarm. Turns out it was a squirrel! Well, you can’t be too careful. Always on my guard, that’s how it is in this business.
Do you like my vest?
This is the magically-named “Long Vest” designed by John Brinegar, from the (oh no, it doesn’t say) well, some back issue of Vogue Knitting from anytime starting now and reaching back to approximately 2004. I tore out the pages with the pattern and recycled the rest of the magazine. Oh wait, here it is. I changed all the edging from seed stitch to garter stitch, because seed stitch is just tedious and I couldn’t face it. I used something like ten balls of KnitPicks Wool of the Andes in “Coal” and a US 7 needle, and it took proportionally forever to knit this, because the hem is a mysterious shape and I found it hard to wrap my little head around it. Also, the collar is luxuriously large, which means that also took a hundred years. It is long, long, long (I see now why the experts at Vogue gave it that name) and it covers the derriere, so I will be wearing it a lot.
Wearing it, I feel like I have auditioned for, but not gotten, a part in The Matrix.
Nobody ever laughs when Neo does this.